Long-Distance Caregiving: 5 Things Every Family Should Know

When Miles Separate You, Love Doesn’t

Managing changing needs later in life can be hard, especially when parents and adult children live far apart. If you’ve taken on a long-distance caregiving role and are struggling to find balance, you’re not alone. Here are five things to know, along with practical tips and encouragement from others who have shared your journey.

1. It Is Understandable to Feel Overwhelmed

Tina H. knows firsthand how long-distance caregiving can impact daily life. In caring for her mom, she recalls that one of the biggest challenges was “not being there to monitor and react to small changes that can signal bigger issues.”

It absolutely will impact your ability to work and focus on other aspects of your life. Concentrating on anything but the crisis at hand is extremely challenging, and taking a leave of absence would have been appropriate,” she says.

One thing that brought her reassurance was the planning that her mother had done to address important questions.

My mother planned ahead and made sure all of her documents were current and that all of her various passwords were available. She had clear direction about her wishes (which we followed), which helped me tremendously in serving as her health and financial DPOA (durable power of attorney). It gave me some peace of mind knowing that as hard as it was, I was respecting my mother’s wishes.

2. You Don’t Need to Do It Alone — Discover Your Support System

The NIH (National Institutes of Health) emphasizes the importance of creating a local care network to lend a hand or help in emergencies. This network may include different layers of support to address different needs. For example, local family members, friends, and neighbors may provide the first line of support. Next you might turn to community resources to provide help through services such as Meals on Wheels or online support groups.

If needed, you can check out different types of technology like video monitoring or caregiving apps. For instance, some apps can help with alerts on when to take medicine and other specific needs. In addition, you may consider hiring professional caregivers or care coordinators.

When asked about advice she would now share with a family caregiver beginning their journey, Tina H. says, “If you can be there, take a leave to be there. If not, enlist the aid of someone local, like a care manager or health care advocate that you trust. Don’t be afraid to be ‘pushy’ when advocating for your parent.”

3. Let Changing Behaviors and Signs Help Guide You

Often, visible signs or behavioral changes can signal that help may be needed. For instance, as a caregiver, you may notice changes in your loved one’s appearance, missed medications, or difficulty managing appointments. Other changes may include memory concerns such as forgetting important dates or repeating questions. Or you may observe unopened mail or more clutter in their home.

Still, it can sometimes be hard to identify certain warning signs. This was the case for Allyson S., who lived 3,000 miles away from her aging parents. “I wish I had known more about Alzheimer’s. If I had, the warning signs were there and I would have recognized them. Things that seemed simply odd were huge red flags.”

If you see potential issues, the NIH suggests that a first step can be to talk with your loved one about your concerns and possible solutions. For some issues, the answer may be something simple, like having groceries delivered if shopping is a challenge. Other issues — such as safety risks (like concerns about falling) — may signal that more extensive care is needed in your loved one’s home or in a dedicated care setting.

4. Explore Your Care Options and Plan Ahead as Much as You Can

It can be natural to delay care decisions until a crisis arises. But the reality is that everyone’s needs change over time. Planning ahead can provide peace of mind and allow people to make decisions on their terms.

Care options may encompass a spectrum of choices, from family assistance and home health services to dedicated community options. For example, communities like those at Era Living offer different kinds of senior housing depending on each resident’s needs, including:

• • • Senior independent living with services to help older adults maintain independence, such as weekly housekeeping, transportation, maintenance support, weekly linen and towel services, dining options, and robust activity calendars.
    • Assisted living, which offers the comfort and privacy of an individual apartment home, plus support with daily tasks like dressing or bathing, as well as an on-site Wellness Center.
    • Memory care in a secure, supportive, home-like environment, with private apartments, personalized care, and engaging life enrichment activities.

With each of these care options, families can enjoy greater peace of mind knowing that their loved ones have daily support, with access to engaging social opportunities, chef-designed menus, and wellness programming.

No matter which option you choose, having a plan ahead of time can help reduce stress for older adults and their loved ones. It can also help you get ready ahead of time and take any steps you may need for future decisions.

For instance, different state laws regulate how adult children can obtain legal decision-making authority for parents with conditions like memory loss, including decisions about relocating them to a dedicated care community. To help be prepared, Allyson S. advises, “Plan with your parents, put it in writing, and know state laws.”

5. Continue to Enjoy and Nurture Your Connection

Caregiving is about preserving relationships — not just managing tasks.

Barbara S. recalls the many weekend visits that she had with her mom, who lived about four hours away.

I sometimes felt guilty that I was too far away to help with everyday tasks. But I kept in constant contact with my siblings and helped as much as I could from afar. Also, I visited frequently on weekends and stayed with our mom. This was a great way to stay connected and spend quality time that I still treasure.

Whether you’re checking in by phone or having an in-person visit, remember to enjoy opportunities to connect with your loved one. Our blog story on this topic provides conversation starters to help you share special moments and discover things about your loved one that you may not have known.

Learn More: Resources and Support

While long-distance caregivers share many things in common, the dynamics can look different for every family. The goal is making sure your loved one has the right support system in place and that you also have the balance you need as a caregiver.

Discussing care options earlier can help create more choices. For example, what special support services might you (or your loved one) need? How will you stay active and connected with other people? And what are the pros and cons of staying in your home versus community living?

At Era Living, we invite you to learn more about our eight retirement living communities in the Greater Seattle area and our supportive senior living options. In addition, you can find more information through our Family & Caregiver Resources and in our podcast discussing our “Almost Like Family” program, where residents who don’t have family close by can receive extra companionship and support.

Whether you are a caregiver or older adult who wants to better understand your choices, we are here as a resource for you.

Please contact us or schedule a visit to learn more.